Might need to warn you that this is a heavy-hearted post.
The title of this blog may cause you to think “duh!” if you’re already a mama but I’ve been reminded so much over the past week just how much this rings true. There’s the diapers, sleepless nights (though I have to say I’ve been blessed with a great sleeper!), fewer date nights, giving up yourself for your little one, and all the other ways you can possibly think that the daily activities change from being a wife to becoming a mother. But I’m not talking about the physical day-to-day routines (or lack there of), I’m talking about deeper changes, such as my reactions to other babies.
I was never a baby person. Sure, I think they’re cute but I never wanted to hold newborns in the hospital when visiting a new mama because I felt so awkward coming up with cute comments to say. The drool, slobber, spit-up was pretty much what I equated with babies and could always pass opportunity to hold a wee one. They say that changes “when it’s your own” and that is for sure considering I get slobbered and spit up on daily now!
The day I became responsible for the spit-up and poo!
Having Lil’ Miss in October has radically changed the way my mind and heart responds to these precious little gifts. Oh.my I cannot tell you how many hours the Mr. and I still spend in complete awe of Lil’ Miss! Her life, the fact that she is here, was created and knit together so perfectly in my womb. INCREDIBLE. It’s a completely different perspective. Just watching her sleep fills me with such wonder and adoration for our Creator. Now when I see other babies and pictures of wee little lives, I am instantly filled with such deep-seeded joy. Unexplainable joy and love for them. All of them.
Karen Feder Photography
But I sit here with a big lump in my throat today, I must share with you why this post is being written… lately I’ve come across and been reminded of some mama’s that have had few precious moments with their newborns. (by lately, I mean it’s been hitting me in a different way lately, not that I have learned of them recently, some actually happened years ago) Talk about something that cannot be understood or comprehended. Something that challenges your faith and rocks your world harder than anything else possible, the loss of a precious new life goes completely against every fiber in our being. When I see these moments captured by film or words, it tears at my mama genes, ripping my heart apart for these mamas (and papas). Today I saw a father (who attended the same high school in Germany as me) had to lay his little princess to rest. The picture of her was breathtaking, she’s beautiful, tiny and so loved. Tonight, I was told of a teen mom whose baby will not live long due her brain having developed on the outside of her head, but what a precious little baby she is, looking up at her mama in the most endearing way that only newborns can.
Lil’ Miss looking up at me the same way… I remember that look so vividly,
as if she was saying “so… I’m trusting you to take care of me Mama”
None of us will ever understand this loss. These mama’s have to face another day and gather strength, to rest in the knowledge that their son/daughter is safe in their Creator’s arms.
A part of who I have been created is to deeply feel the hurt of others in tragic situations and wishing I could be right there to provide some type of comfort or support. Tonight, after talking with my Mom about the little baby girl mentioned above, I’m broken. I want to just hold her and tell her how precious she is so that she hears it from as many people as possible before leaving this earth. How very, very precious life is.
I don’t mean to be a downer in a week that will be filled with such joy and to rejoice in these days that are made to live out the best we can, but this is real. This is hard. It’s something that was hard before I was a mama myself, but now is harder because I have my own little girl’s eyes to look into and personality to experience. Ever since Lil’ Miss was born, we have said she is God’s daughter first. Beloved. He has given her to us as a gift. (That’s why her middle name is Olivia) She doesn’t belong only to us. He created her every fiber. And now that I’ve encountered the miracle of life myself, it changes my perspective. Dramatically.
Karen Feder Photography
So today, I’m praying for these dear mamas who only were able to catch a glimpse of their precious babies’ lives and cling so tightly to the truth that God had a place for them in Heaven before they ever experienced much on Earth. Praying for comfort, joy to be brought into their lives and memories to carry them through the hardest of days they’ve been required to steward.
I ask you to pray too – if you don’t know anyone personally that has been through this you can join me in praying for a dear friend’s young nephew, Wilson, who has recently been diagnosed and is fighting for his life against Steven Johnson Syndrome. Or my precious friend, L, whose second & third child are in Heaven and is now pregnant with her fourth child and cautiously & anxiously waiting to meet her new baby girl.
Join me today in prayer.
ENJOI the wee ones that you are around today and
rejoice in their every adventure, word, blink and breath.
For they are the precious children of God and need to be loved on so much!
I can’t say it loud/strong/sincere/awe-inspiring enough,
THE WEE ONES IN OUR WORLD ARE SO VERY PRECIOUS!
Karen Feder Photography